"and my partner"

I swear, the next time some young straight person casually mentions their "partner", I'm going to roll my eyes or shoot a dirty look. The thing is, often they're trying to use that word in solidarity, so it's just not nice to go off on them. But oh, how I want to. Here are the problems I have with it:

1. It's appropriation. (Sure, it's a useful concept, but it's appropriation nonetheless.)
   


2. The concept becomes, by usage, just one more step in the progression between "dating" and "married". (How many straight people do you know who have called each other "partners" for, say, the past ten years, without getting married? The vast majority give in and sign the paperwork.)
• This means that gay people's relationships still aren't equal to straight relationships -- the top tiers are no longer parallel. Gay people end up using the words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" longer, and they are cut off from the top two tiers of societal relationship recognition -- engagement and marriage.


3. The very neutralness of the word renders gay people invisible again. Visibility = progress; invisibility = impediment to progress.
   


4. Straights who use the word "partner" seem to want most to look "trendy", to artificially inflate the recognition given to their relationship, or both. These potential motives put a horrid taste in my mouth. They often haven't thought through the full implications for themselves, though they may be trying.

The counter argument, of course, is that "partner" was a second tier word, and the only way for it to become fully respected was for straights to use it. After all, straights are fully respected and gays aren't. I don't buy that. I'm sure acceptance of the word happened quicker when straights started appropriating it left and right (thereby diluting the denotational and cultural meanings of the word), but it seemed to be making significant progress as an acceptable or paperwork-neutral alternative to "spouse" on its own, right alongside the progress that gay people ourselves have made.

I'd love to see a little more critical thinking. I'll stand by your right to choose whatever terminology you want, once I know you've given serious thought to the full implications of your decisions.